And Then You Were Gone
by Shampoo
Summary: When Ranma unintentionally does Ryoga a small kindness, Ryoga decides he must return the favor. However, his chance comes in the form of a striken Akane...


.And Then You Were Gone  
  
A/N: This is my first Ranma fic, and I hope everyone likes it. Please review and tell me what you think.  
  
*  
  
The sounds of Nerima in the afternoon filtered down through the buildings, through the eaves, through the alleyways, and all the way to the bottom-the wet street. A lone figure clad all in yellow and black listened to the far off noises of fighting and yelling, happy shouts and angry curses, and wished that, for just once, he knew where on earth he was.  
  
Ryoga, lost but determined, wandered Nerima in search of his beloved Akane, his loathed rival Ranma, and perhaps a hot soak at the public bathhouse. He was just returning from Hokkaido, and he was tired; but he burned with a new passion and vigor for justice and for love: this time, he felt, would be different. This time, Saotome Ranma would be defeated and Akane would finally see that he, Ryoga, was the better man. Ryoga allowed himself the luxury of a smile after those harrowing weeks meandering through Japan. Change was in the air, and something monumental was quivering just beyond the horizon.  
  
Before he could get much further, a shadow appeared and bounced from balcony to balcony, until finally it hurtled to the ground and broke its fall against Ryoga's face. Ryoga immediately recognized the old man Happosai, and to his horror, also recognized one of Akane's undergarments dangling out of the aging pervert's sack of ladies' bras and panties. Without thinking of the repercussions, Ryoga launched himself up onto the roof of the nearest building and took up the chase, with a battlecry of: "Enemy to all women!"  
  
Happosai turned and smiled when he saw the young man in pursuit. "Oh-ho, so you want some of my silky darlings?"  
  
Ryoga struck. "For Akane!"  
  
The fight continued, although it was apparent Ryoga was losing. He was being pushed back, further and further, until something at the back of his mind told him he was nearing a destination. He didn't have the slightest idea that they were heading back to the Tendo Dojo, so when the familiar carp pond and porch came into view, the Lost Boy was astounded-astounded just enough to lose his balance for an instant.  
  
Ranma, in female form, was sitting on the porch with Akane and watching the melee. She leaned forward and frowned, just as Akane rose and brandished a weapon, begat from some other dimension or secret hiding place.  
  
"Happosai!" Akane cried. "Give my back my. my."  
  
Instead of finishing the sentence she opted to throw a blunt object at the old man, hardly sparing a thought for Ryoga. All the moments seemed to come together: Ryoga's loss of balance, Happosai's darting movements, the stout rocking chair flying through the air as if in slow motion, Akane's furious presence. Ranma watched in part amusement and part fascination as the chair hit Ryoga, knocking him off the fence next to the pond, and send him flying headfirst into the water. The cold water.  
  
Then, something inside Ranma made itself known with a pang in the chest, and without hesitation, the redheaded girl leaped into the pond just at the same moment that Ryoga fell into it. A mighty splash erupted, and Akane closed her eyes as she was drenched by the water. When she regained her senses, the scene before her was rather puzzling: Ranma sat, looking almost unsatisfied, in the middle of the pond, and there was no sign of Ryoga.  
  
"What happened to Ryoga?" Akane asked. Behind Ranma and away from view, a small black pig squirmed, terrified.  
  
"He got away," Ranma replied evasively. "That jerk, coming in here and busting things up."  
  
"Why did you jump in after him?" Akane asked suspiciously. Something about the entire debacle was not making sense.  
  
Ranma clenched her fingers around the piglet in an attempt to keep it still. "Well, for one, you tomboy, you hit him with the table. He was about to fall on his head, and I stopped him."  
  
Akane's eyes narrowed. It seemed like a common, kind gesture, but how could she be sure? "Why would you suddenly care if Ryoga hits his head on anything?"  
  
Ranma let go of Ryoga, trusting him to stay behind her. She knew that if she kept her hands behind her back, Akane would notice, figure things out, and find P-chan. And, if that happened, no matter how dense she had been up until that moment, Akane would guess the secret. Ranma was simply not up to dealing with that right then.  
  
"Aw, it woulda been a lot of extra trouble to have to lug Ryoga all the way to Dr. Tofu's. I was just doin' us all a favor."  
  
"Well, thanks to your favors, I'm soaked. I'm going to change clothes!" Akane spared one huffy glance over her shoulder and marched back into the house. But, once out of view of Ranma, she smiled. He was a nice guy after all.  
  
*  
  
A few hours later, Ryoga had successfully changed back into human form and was once again lost, but this time, he was lost both physically and figuratively. He walked in any direction his feet happened to take him and didn't care, because his mind was on a much more troubling issue than his placement relative to Nerima.  
  
Ryoga felt as if one of the greatest mysteries of the world had been foisted upon his shoulders. Ranma, his enemy, his rival, had spared him. No, not only had Ranma spared him, Ranma had gone out of his way to spare him. Ranma had spared him when there had been a great deal to gain by not sparing him.  
  
The issue required a great deal of thought and Ryoga sat down against the nearest tree, oblivious to the strange looks he received from passerbys. Could it be that Ranma did not really love Akane, and he was seeking to make sure Ryoga did not lose his chance with her? That possibility seemed quite remote, for Ryoga could not imagine someone deliberately trying to push away a beauty like Akane. He had another theory, a much simpler one, but to believe in it would be to shake the very foundations of his world. However, Ryoga was finding it harder and harder to disperse the conviction that his second theory was true.  
  
Suppose Saotome Ranma had spared him simply to spare him? What if, instead of having some ulterior motive, Ranma had leaped into the pond for no better reason than he didn't want to see Ryoga hurt, his secret life as P- chan revealed?  
  
Ryoga drew his knees up to his chest and stared at the world in front of him. He was in a park and he could see people milling about, going through the motions of everyday life. It was a clear, sunny day, the sky a beautiful brilliant blue with huge cottony clouds bleaching its surface. Ryoga's mood did not parallel the beauty of the day, but rather, it was split into two distinct parts: one, a sense of gratefulness to Ranma, a kind of peace that always came with a lull in their rivalry, and two, a sense of duty. How could he, Hibiki Ryoga, live his life in the wake of such a kind act from Ranma? If he wanted life to go on as usual, the only logical course of action seemed to be to repay Ranma his kindness, so there would be no debts hanging over his head.  
  
Burning with a new resolve, Ryoga stood, grim with determination. He would show Ranma kindness he would never forget.  
  
*  
  
A week later, completely unaware that, at that very moment, Hibiki Ryoga was on his way to the dojo, pack laden with gifts for him and not Akane, Ranma knelt at the table in the kitchen, making a face at Akane's latest cooking disaster.  
  
Akane watched him expectantly and Ranma knew there was going to be no nice way out of it. He knew she had outdone herself, but Akane outdoing herself meant her cooking would be even more poisonous than usual. Ranma did not want to be laid up for the next few weeks while he recovered from tonight's dinner, so, to the chagrin of the rest of the Tendo family, he leapt up and excused himself.  
  
"Ranma!" Akane cried, half in frustration, half in hurt.  
  
"Hey, I just ain't hungry right now Akane. Save me some leftovers, will ya?"  
  
"I worked all day to make this dinner!" she cried. "The least you could do is try it, you jerk!" A faint battle aura was beginning to form around her, and Ranma realized etiquette was going to have no effect on this particular situation.  
  
"Look, Akane, I value my health! If you want me t' eat your dinners, how about cooking something edible for a change?"  
  
"Ranma~a."  
  
Ranma did not stay to find out which piece of furniture would be tossed in his direction. With a fluid motion, he whirled and leaped onto the fence, and then onto the top of the nearest building, and then off into the Nerima night. He hoped to stay out just long enough to avoid any confrontations with Akane before she was suitably calmed down, and for the matter, her father, too. Ranma did not want to be subject to another demon-face tonight. He decided to lay low for a while, and come back to the dojo when the rest of the inhabitants were asleep. That way, maybe, just maybe, he could come through the next few days unscathed.  
  
*  
  
Ryoga passed by the Tendo Dojo a total of six times before he finally made it inside the gates. His back was sore from his heavy pack, and Ryoga was grateful of the wooden feudal-style home looming before him. It meant he could settle his score with Ranma, and go back to living life as he knew it- planning the next battle, mulling over his various reasons for loving Akane, and wondering if he would ever leave his cursed pig form, among other things.  
  
It was a shock, then, to find not Ranma sitting on the roof but Akane. Ryoga's breath was once again taken away at her pure and simple beauty, and the way she glowed as the moon and starlight shined down upon her. For a moment, Ryoga had no inkling of what to do next, save stare. Then he realized Akane was crying.  
  
The knowledge that somehow Ranma must be behind Akane's tears angered Ryoga enough to produce an aura, but his fury washed away when he realized he could pound Saotome Ranma later, and that Akane was the only important thing at the moment. Not wishing to frighten her, Ryoga walked loudly across the front yard and stood two stories below her, looking up. "Akane!" he said.  
  
Akane sniffled and looked down. "Ryoga!" she cried when she recognized him.  
  
Ryoga had not planned beyond that point, and his mind refused to work after she said his name. They stared at each other dumbly for a moment, and then Akane looked away and said softly, "I'm sorry."  
  
"For what?" Ryoga asked, and then felt very forward and intrusive for asking.  
  
"If you're looking for Ranma, he's not here." She paused, and then added, "And I'm not very good company right now."  
  
"Did Ranma make you cry, Akane?" Ryoga asked, feeling the anger begin to burn again.  
  
Akane was silent for a time, and Ryoga had the horrible feeling that she had dismissed him. "It's not his fault," she said quietly. When Ryoga didn't respond, she said, "It's not his fault if I'm a bad cook. But he could have at least tried it."  
  
Deftly, Ryoga leaped up onto the roof and sat down next to Akane, feeling extremely bold and even a bit sauve. Things were beginning to make sense now. Ryoga smothered his fury at Ranma for his mistreatment of Akane, and instead tried focusing on making Akane herself feel better. It irritated him that in making Akane feel better, somehow, in a roundabout way, it would also make things easier for Ranma.  
  
And then, an idea hit him. Here was his chance to repay Ranma for his kind deed at the pond. How could he have been so stupid as to thing that mere gifts alone would make up for what Ranma had done for him? Ranma had given him another chance with Akane, and that was worth more than money. It was only fair Ryoga give Ranma the same chance, even if it hurt in the process. There was little Ryoga would have wanted to do less than making Ranma seem like a great guy in the eyes of Akane, but to keep what honor he had, Ryoga knew he must do it.  
  
Only, later, he found out that there was no need to make Ranma seem great in Akane's eyes. He already was.  
  
"What Ranma did was childish," Ryoga said, trying to sound as mature and knowing as possible, "but I don't think he meant to hurt you so much, Akane."  
  
Akane's face betrayed her surprise. Ryoga, defending Ranma? She never dreamed of seeing the day of such an event. And yet, here Ryoga was, looking at her seriously, and Akane knew he was telling the truth.  
  
"You think so?"  
  
"Yes, I do."  
  
Something flickered behind Akane's eyes and Ryoga didn't like it. "I worked all day to make that dinner," she said. There was meaning in her voice, meaning that Ryoga picked up easily, because it was the same meaning he had always wished to her from her when she was talking about him. Suddenly, comforting Akane for Ranma's sake seemed like a monumental error in judgement. There were very few times in his life when Ryoga wanted nothing more than to be away from Akane, but this was one of them.  
  
"He. he should have tried it, then," Ryoga said, fumbling for words. Akane's eyes were so trusting, she was looking at him like she could tell him anything. and would tell him anything.  
  
"He wouldn't have liked it. He never does. I don't know what's worse, Ranma not trying my dinners or Ranma hating them."  
  
"Well, one day, maybe you'll-" Ryoga was cut off by Akane's voice.  
  
"Can I tell you something, Ryoga?" Akane asked.  
  
No, no, please don't. "Anything, Akane."  
  
"I know you and Ranma fight a lot, but I also think that deep down, you and he are more similar than any of us. I. I want Ranma to. well, I don't know, do you think that Ranma would ever."  
  
Akane looked down, flustered. Ryoga glanced at her and then looked away, wishing he'd go deaf and not be able to hear her next words, wishing the world would end or Mt. Fuji explode or a meteor come and hit him, anything, anything.  
  
"Do you think Ranma could ever think of me as anything other than. than an uncute tomboy?"  
  
Ryoga turned and looked at her. It was so obvious she trusted him, so obvious she would put great stock into his answer. Why he had come up here, why he hadn't just given Ranma the gifts in his bag, why he had even come to Nerima all those years ago? And yet, Ryoga had always suspected deeper feelings between Akane and Ranma, and had always wished for some definitive proof. Now that he had it, however, it seemed as though everything had fallen apart and his entire time in Nerima had been for nothing.  
  
However, Akane was still looking at him, and Ranma's one act of generosity still hung silently in the air, and Ryoga knew there would be no running this time.  
  
"I think he already does."  
  
"Really, Ryoga?" Her voice, breathless with happiness, made Ryoga cringe and smile at the same time. There would be no tone like than in her voice when she spoke of him, and there would be no elation in her eyes when his name arose in conversation. His was a different fate, and somehow, he'd always known it. So why did it feel like he had lost so much?  
  
"Yes." Ryoga's tone was clipped and husky, but Akane didn't notice.  
  
"Oh, thank you, Ryoga!" Then the realization hit her: she was not being a good hostess. "You must be tired. Do you want to spend the night in the dojo tonight?"  
  
"That would be nice." With any luck, Ryoga thought, I can catch Ranma before daylight. then I can be on my way.  
  
Akane beckoned him into the house through her room, the room he knew so well from being P-chan. "I think there's an extra futon around someplace," Akane murmured to herself, looking around intently.  
  
Soon Ryoga was situated inside the dojo, feigning sleep. He was listening sharply for any sound, any creak or sigh or footstep, that would herald Ranma's presence. He felt hollow inside, as if all feeling had left him, and he was merely an empty container, incapable of thought or emotion. He knew, however, that in time, he would regain his ability to feel. Then his world would end and fall all around him, because the worst case scenario had come into play, and his deepest and most terrible fear had been realized.  
  
Akane didn't love him, and never had, and never would.  
  
And then, to add insult to injury, not only did she have no love for him outside of friendship, she loved Ranma. Ranma. Ranma!  
  
Somewhere in the back of his mind Ryoga knew he didn't have very long to be coherent and rational about the situation, so he wished Ranma would come soon. If he did, Ryoga could simply tell him what went on and leave them to work out the revelations. If he didn't, Ryoga knew very well he might just challenge Ranma and fight a useless battle over something neither of them had an ounce of control over. And, Ryoga thought in his clear state of mind, Would it be worth it?  
  
Akane didn't love him, but what if she had? How long, how far could they have gone? How hard would life have been with someone who was loved by so many others? How many people would have hated him forever for being loved by Akane? And how simple could life be when Akane was still in the dark regarding his curse?  
  
Ryoga squeezed his eyes shut and felt the familiar depression sweeping over him like a long, strong gust of wind. He clenched his fist and pounded softly and uselessly against the dojo floor. He had loved her. Didn't that count for anything? A pain formed in the back of Ryoga's throat and he knew it was all going to catch up to him. Maybe if he just left now.  
  
Ryoga was halfway into a sitting position when Ranma appeared quite suddenly. The pigtailed boy was surprised to see Ryoga in the dojo, and even more surprised to see him up and staring, as if he had been expecting Ranma's arrival all this time. Ranma tensed, wondering what Ryoga was going to do. He didn't want a fight, or a heated argument about Akane. He didn't want to do anything, really.  
  
"Whaddaya want, Ryoga?" Ranma muttered. It wasn't said in an offensive tone, or perhaps Ranma had meant it to be offensive but only in a halfhearted way. However, Ryoga didn't rise to the bait. It almost surprised Ranma, as Ryoga seemed to rise to any bait offered, real or imagined. But the Lost Boy just sat on his futon and stared at Ranma with that same anticipation. It was unnerving.  
  
"Well, what're you starin' at? Do I look funny, or somethin'?"  
  
Ryoga looked away. "I talked to Akane," he said quietly.  
  
Immediately Ranma turned defensive. "Oh, so that's it, huh?" he asked angrily. "You and Akane had a talk, right? About how I didn't eat her cooking?"  
  
"It was."  
  
"I'll tell you what it was! It was disgusting, that's what it was!"  
  
Ranma waited for an outburst from Ryoga, but none came. "Well?" Ranma said, angry now. His nerves were stretched uncharacteristically. Ranma was annoyed at his situation, and felt almost persecuted. How could anyone sit there and blame him for not wanting to eat bad food? And now, to top it all off, not only was Akane mad at him, Ryoga had to show his face too and that could only cause problems.  
  
Ryoga looked at Ranma and struggled for words. Ranma looked like the jerk Ryoga knew him for, but his mind kept replaying the incident in the pool. He kept hearing the splash and then feeling Ranma jump in, Ranma shove him behind her back, Ranma tell Akane he was gone. and Ryoga knew that whatever happened, this was what he owed Ranma. For that moment of complete relief when Akane went back into the house, and for the sense of self he would never have if he didn't give Ranma at least some of that grateful feeling back.  
  
Ryoga took a deep breath and began to speak, but was interrupted by Ranma, whose temper had reached a limit. "Hey, Ryoga, why don't you get lost?" he snapped. "I don't need you comin' in here and telling me what a jerk I am. You can go in the house and eat all of Akane's cooking if you want, I don't care!"  
  
Ryoga smiled. Get lost? Ranma didn't know how easy that would be. And he would "get lost," he'd lose himself from Nerima forever, just as soon as he said what he had to say. He knew Ranma would listen.  
  
"Ranma. I talked to Akane and I told her you didn't mean to hurt her by not eating her cooking."  
  
Ranma seemed to deflate as incredulity and disbelief spread into his gray- blue eyes. "You said what?"  
  
"She asked me if you could ever see her as anything besides an uncute tomboy. I told her you already did. She was happy." Ryoga spoke in halting and choppy sentences, each word like a physical pain. Suddenly the walls of the dojo and the very ground of Nerima itself seemed like they had rejected him, and Ryoga wanted to leave. There was not much to stay for, now.  
  
"Wh--? Akane said.? And you.?" Ranma was having too hard of a time comprehending it, and the shock was too much, and Ryoga's face was too sad, and everything was far too unreal.  
  
Ryoga looked down. "Akane." he murmured, and despite himself, Ranma felt a pang of sympathy. He didn't understand the situation at all, but something about the raw sadness in Ryoga's eyes touched him in a way it never had before.  
  
Ranma took a step forward, but Ryoga was already backing away. "I never thanked you, Ranma, for what you did at the pond. When Akane would have seen me as P-chan. I don't know why you did that for me but I owed you. and this. this, is my debt repaid to you."  
  
So that was it. Ryoga was doing him a favor because he had done Ryoga a favor. But what a favor! Ranma felt like a cheat, almost, for the way these things had turned out. He hadn't stopped Akane from seeing Ryoga because of any sense of friendship or duty on his part. He just hadn't wanted to deal with the aftermath. And now, because of it, Ryoga had lost the one little hope he had to hold on to.  
  
Then Ryoga smiled, and there was a small, strange relief in that smile. "Maybe I'll see you around someday," he said, trying to sound vague and ambivalent. As it were, he had to turn away, because he knew deep within there would be no seeing Ranma around, not someday, not ever.  
  
"Ryoga!" Ranma cried as the Lost Boy vaulted away. "Ryoga, wait! Wait!" But Ryoga did not wait, because there was a future he had to catch up to. Some place and time where all of his dreams wouldn't be breakable or tenuous, a place where he actually had friends, a place that he could lose and look forward to finding.  
  
Ranma watched Ryoga vanish off into the night. "Stupid pig," Ranma thought to himself, his mind too awhirl with thoughts of Akane and her words to think to chase Ryoga down. But Ranma's mouth slowly twitched downwards and his brows furrowed, and he stared in the general direction of Ryoga's flight for a few long moments before turning away.  
  
*  
  
Now Ryoga stood at the top of a three-story building, looking out over the lights and the dark square establishments that crowded close together and made up Nerima. The night around him was velvety and still, and an almost imperceptible wind blew. The air was so silent, and the night was so crisp, Ryoga could not help but know this would be his last look at Nerima. Once, he had sought this place out, wrote letters to here, spent nights here, and, although his house was in another prefecture, he had thought of Nerima as his home. He had dreamed of here and fought here and cried here and loved here, and now he was leaving.  
  
But, as Ryoga's eyes made out the barely discernable form of the silent and dark Tendo Dojo, he did not feel any sadness or longing for what might have been. Try as he might, Ryoga could not for the life of him remember what the terms of endearment to this place had been. And so he turned, and for once in his life left Nerima and meant it. Wherever he went now, he would not be lost, only searching.  
  
This Nerima that was being left behind, it had been for a time his only destination. It had taken him long, too long, to find out this was the only place in Japan where he was truly lost. The irony was bitter, but Ryoga was smiling as he walked away from it. He would travel Japan, and search, and wander, and meander, and whatever else, but he would not get lost this way again.  
  
*  
  
to be continued 


End file.
